DAMNED IF THEY CARE

People who like to pretend they're into jazz - but don't have the time to, like, listen to any of it - will invariably namecheck Billie Holiday or Chet Baker. Similarly, with Country & Western Hank Williams will always pop up. Mention say, George Jones, and big question marks will fly in the air (although the person in question might be familiar with the "lawnmower incident", which is fast becoming more famous than the man's music). In punk, of course, the most name-checked band by people eager to score cool points and unhindered by any knowledge, is the Clash. Rock critics, too, have adopted them as the "good guys" they could hang their Rock-&-Roll-will-save-your-soul theories on. The one big punk band however, that many actual music lovers (and musicians) will mention as their favourite, is the Damned. They were around from the start and put out the first punk record, but the lack of any revolutionary manifesto or brooding good looks rendered them useless to the music press. (I think it was Greil Marcus who even branded them "punk frauds"!) In fact the Damned's careless, even silly, attitude was way more "punk" than the self-conscious image building of their rivals. Also, they rocked! "New Rose" still sends shivers down my spine every time the cymbals get LOUD towards the end. They even split up, got back together and managed to be better than before, branching out into pop and psychedelia without losing their edge. The first Damned song I heard was their version of Grace Slick's "White Rabbit", on the (Dutch-only? Can you help me out, Jeroen?) Buy Chiswick Records comp. Brilliant and nothing like I'd imagined a punk band to sound like. Why, it's got - gasp - guitar solos! The liner notes exclaimed: "Is Captain Sensible the first guitar hero of the 80's?" Well, as we know history turned out a little different: Captain Sensible became the first punk novelty artist of the 80's. When he was riding high on the success of "Happy Talk", the Capt. paid my hometown a visit, appearing in the dreadful popular radio show Los Vast that was being broadcast from the local youth center. I was heavily into the Damned's Black Album at the time (the album everybody should be talking about instead of London Calling), so I had to check it out. I remember DJ Jan Rietman (fellow Dutchmen will now go YECHHH! in unison) announcing him in his typical "I'm interested in shouting alright, I think shouting is wonderful" way, and mentioning he actually knew the Captain from way back. Not being familiar with Mr. Rietman's musical past (Long Tall Ernie & the Shakers!), this news totally mystified me. (Now, with the benefits of Google, I've found out he produced the Captain Sensible/ Softies "Jet Boy Jet Girl" record back in 1978!) Anyway, the Captain did his old hit, his new hit ("Wot!"), and was out of there. I cycled through the surrounding streets for a while to catch a glimpse of him, but to no avail. As to his guitar hero aspirations, well, that can best be summed up by an exchange he had with Damned producer Roger Armstrong:

Captain: "Roger, why doesn't everybody recognize me for the guitar hero that I am?"

Roger: "Well, maybe it's because you're playing in your underwear most of the time."

It's a miracle the Damned have managed to be one of the most successful and long-lasting punk bands with this built-in self-sabotage mechanism. For instance, they could have had the great Shel Talmy to produce their second LP; he did the "Stretcher Case" limited edition giveaway single, but then who did they get to produce the LP? Pink Floyd's Nick Mason! Motorhead's Lemmy very briefly filled the Damned's bass guitar seat, just long enough to play bass on "Ballroom Blitz", but in the end he bet his money on his own band. "Looking For Another", one of the best - and rockingest - songs from the early second Damned incarnation, only ever saw the light of day on the obscure Moonlight Tapes comp LP (under the pseudonym of School Bullies, although the band is easily recognizable on the Sgt. Pepper-style cover). The Damned got more er... sensible later on, forging a goth-pop-lite style that provided them with a steady career from the mid-80's on, but it's the 1976-1982 years that people will remember them for. Well, if they have the time to listen to it.

P.S.: For our Dutch readers; while Googling I found a pretty cool picture of Long Tall Ernie & Shakers-era Jan Rietman standing in front of the 100 Club (!) around 1973: